Avoidance of Conflict as A Style Discussion

After reviewing the chapter, the five conflict styles are avoiding, dominating (competing), compromising, obliging (accommodating), and integrating (collaborating). After taking the assessment it’s obvious that I use the style obliging. I can see how I have a tendency of putting others wants before my own because I want to make everyone happy, it also makes me feel good when I’m always giving to others. I may not realize so much that I do this because I am used to it but it’s something I am working on. Conflict styles are patterned responses, or clusters of behavior, that people use in conflict (Hocker, Berry, & Wilmot, 2022, p. 150). The disadvantages of constantly obliging, can make any relationship with someone accept the fact that the obliger will always give in to any situation. An obliging conflict style puts high value on a partner, but a low value on oneself. An obliging person elevates the options and actions of another person to make them feel better about a conflict. Advantages of an obliger can put out there that the person is complaisant. This means this person has the qualities that make one liked and easy to deal with. When individuals and couples use avoidance in relationships this can create an unhealthy toxic dynamic at times. Conflict avoidance is damaging for a relationship no matter which partner exhibits this behavior. To experience a healthy relationship, you must be sure that both people are not using conflict avoidance patterns. I feel this kind of behavior when used in his or in my relationships, is a form of unhealthy toxicity. Relationships shouldn’t be handled in that way. For example, I have dated a lot of people who had avoidant behavior styles, and, in the end, it always just made me feel insecure. With constant avoidant behavior between the two people, it can create resentment, hate, insecurities and just bring up very negative feelings towards each other while making the connection fall apart. My suggestion for someone who primarily uses avoidance of conflict as a style is to maybe be open to therapy or finding some form of support to dig deeper into why you carry this kind of conflict style with you. Then working with a professional in finding better ways to deal with the triggers so later there can be healthier patterns in your relationships.

WC: 408

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Conflict styles can be described as various behaviors and ways a person responds when a conflict arises. There are 5 conflict styles. They are accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, competing, and compromising. Accommodating is giving the opposing side what it wants even if it is at your own expense. Avoiding is used to avoid the issue completely and avoid all conflict. Collaborating is integrating ideas from multiple people to come to one creative solution. Compromising is both parties involved in the conflict give up what they want to be equal and agree on one solution. Competing is when each party competes for what they want, and one side will win while the other loses. After doing the survey in the textbook, I was neutral for four out of the five conflict styles. The two styles I resonated most with were avoiding and accommodating. I scored a twenty-two for avoiding and a twenty-four for accommodating. The advantages of having an avoiding style are not having to deal with conflict at all because of ignoring it. It is easy to do this rather than face the situation. The disadvantages of an avoiding style are it could escalate a situation because instead of facing it and talking it out, it will continue to carry on and grow into a worse situation. The advantage of an accommodating conflict style is I will not disappoint people because I am giving them generally what they want. I am very go with the flow when it comes to situations so I find it easier to follow people and what they want to do. The disadvantage of this style is that I do not get to do what I want to do a lot of the time. People can view this as being a push over and I could risk getting walked all over and taken advantage of. This can create more conflicts.

I have seen avoidance used many times in relationships and in individuals and it does not normally go over well. It is a very passive aggressive way of handling situations, and it does not solve anything. It can create walls between people and make it difficult for communication in relationships. “Avoidance should not be a substitute for proper resolution, however; pushing back conflict indefinitely can and will lead to more (and bigger) conflicts down the line.”(2021). Communication is super important. I do struggle with avoidance mainly because I have an issue with expressing my feelings and emotions into words. Sometimes, it is easier to avoid a situation and hope it blows over. When the problem seems to worsen, I will figure out a resolution, but I am working on my communication skills. My girlfriend puts a lot of emphasis on great communication skills and saying exactly how we are feeling so if she suddenly started using avoidance with me, I would understand her frustrations with me sometimes. I know it is not a style that helps a situation, it worsens it.

My suggestion for a person who struggles with avoidance is to start by processing their feelings and learning how to speak it into existence in a healthy way. Just talking about your feelings and emotions can benefit a person being able to communicate better. Doing everything you can to not shut yourself out is already a step in the right direction. Talk it out and do not be scared.